Kink Library

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This is written mainly to help men who don’t always want to take the initiative romantically and their femme partners understand where their fantasies may have come from growing up, but I’m sure there are other interesting parallels that can be drawn.

It’s important to note that studies show the desire to play around with vulnerability mostly resides in the person role-playing submissiveness rather than the person role-playing dominance. The person playing the dominant usually gets their pleasure from seeing the other person testing their limits.

As well, even though I’ve tried to delve the depths of how desiring to make sense of and play around with power dynamics can affect many aspects of one’s identity growing up, it also happens that some people are simply introduced to bondage for example and discover they enjoy the sensation with no more deeper reason than that.

Finally some people for stress release reasons might just desire to be submissive in bed because they have a competitive job, or similarly desire to be dominant because they’re shy in everyday interactions.

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The stories are sorted into stages of identity development, such as first gaining knowledge of an identity, testing the waters of that identity, becoming that identity, then exploring the outer limits of that identity you don’t want to be. So:

Noticing – Exploring before becoming – Becoming – Exploring the fear of becoming going too far.

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1. Noticing – Dominant/Submissive Unfairness

Noticing unfair power dynamics from a removed perspective of not desiring to be involved or being insulted for not engaging in competitive behaviours is one way this kink can develop for trying to make sense of an irrational dynamic.

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2. Exploring before becoming

Imagining being the object of a femme persons adoration

Fantasies about what things the person you want to submit to might love and have good feelings toward; growing up one thinks of pretty dolls, and later you imagine a penis that serves them.

So by dehumanising yourself, your able to think of what it is about the femme person that makes them desire the object.

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Wanting to be punished for being a man

On seeing other men being told off for sexist behaviours and shrugging it off to show their opposition to women, the shy boy who wants to mimic the good qualities of being a woman, but only ever sees the two separated genders talk when they are affirming their opposition to each other might turn this into a sexual fantasy of enjoying the idea of being irrationally punished for being a man, even though they can’t help it and have to struggle with these anxiety inducing gender norms.

For example the social norm that men are supposed to be the ones who make the first move in showing sexual interest. The resentment flares when women criticize men’s sexually aggressive behaviour, which the men see as a necessary role that has been delegated to them exclusively, along with the ego-risks involved: we have to do this, and you don’t. And therefore don’t understand.

So the sexual fantasy coming from irrationally being punished for completely acceptable advances in a bar for example, e.g. my eyes will see you, and there will be sensations and emotions, lust and eroticized longings, and this will be true even though I don’t want to be your colonizer and your oppressor, what I will also be feeling is my own defenceless sensitivity to those very feelings.

Or, the fantasy can come from a fear of being made to feel bad for not taking the initiative. For example the anxiety around being the object of attraction pre-puberty, I remember really not liking other kids slapping and pinching my butt or getting a girlfriend to say I’ve tried stuff and not liking any of it. So when I later did develop attractions, fear of it not being enjoyable would make it difficult to want to take the initiative, therefore the fantasy developed that it would be easier if more people were making uncomfortable advances like before, only now I would like it more, so a desire for pain and pleasure mixed together.

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3. Becoming – Submissive awakening

Being uncomfortable approaching women, the shy man might enjoy imagining what it would be like to experience romance and sex through the average woman’s eyes, being the one pursued and their partner taking the lead in suggesting what to do next. So, the shy man might enjoy lusting after a person who’s body has exciting differences to them, but want to experience their sexuality in similar ways, enjoy the coming together of similar desires in a relationship and tentatively learning to express their new found sexuality.

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4. Exploring the fear of becoming going too far – Loss of self

By romanticising sex as a loss of control, you can extend that to loss of the ego through regression, and getting to exist in a sub-space trance where you remain in a pleasure state for a long period of time.

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This is written mainly to help men who don’t always want to take the initiative romantically and their femme partners understand where their fantasies may have come from growing up, but I’m sure there are other interesting parallels that can be drawn.

It’s important to note that studies show the desire to play around with vulnerability mostly resides in the person role-playing submissiveness rather than the person role-playing dominance. The person playing the dominant usually gets their pleasure from seeing the other person testing their limits.

As well, even though I’ve tried to delve the depths of how desiring to make sense of and play around with power dynamics can affect many aspects of one’s identity growing up, it also happens that some people are simply introduced to bondage for example and discover they enjoy the sensation with no more deeper reason than that.

Finally some people for stress release reasons might just desire to be submissive in bed because they have a competitive job, or similarly desire to be dominant because they’re shy in everyday interactions.

–

The stories are sorted into stages of identity development, such as first gaining knowledge of an identity, testing the waters of that identity, becoming that identity, then exploring the outer limits of that identity you don’t want to be. So:

Noticing – Exploring before becoming – Becoming – Exploring the fear of becoming going too far.

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Table of Contents

1. Noticing – Dominant/Submissive Unfairness

2. Exploring before becoming

a. Imagining becoming the object of a femme persons adoration

b. Wanting to be punished for trying to be the idealised man

3. Becoming – Submissive awakening

4. Exploring the fear of becoming going too far

a. Loss of Self

b. Abuse Fantasies

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1. Noticing – Dominant/Submissive Unfairness

Noticing unfair power dynamics from a removed perspective of not desiring to be involved or being insulted for not engaging in competitive behaviours is one way this kink can develop for trying to make sense of an irrational dynamic.

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Gender role reversal

• Woman plays the purely sex interested, unattached to their sex and self, disassociating the mechanical act from the person themselves. By giving free reins to be treated as just a sex object of the person you trust the most in the world so that they can be limitless in their satisfaction.

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Nun or Teachers pet

• It is no secret that kids who respect their teacher do well in class, sometimes an innocent crush can facilitate this. The fear that your teacher doesn’t respect you can be later used as the strict headmistress fantasy. Or in regression fantasy a language teacher can put you back in diapers for not pronouncing your words and sounding more like a baby that needs to be cared for.

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Doctor or Nurse and Patient

• Clever woman who wants to understand your body and prod you with instruments.

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Story tales

• Whether it’s being kidnapped by pirates, necked by vampires, imprisoned by Amazons or lured by sirens, they’re often very innocent imaginings.

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Animals/pets

• Being demeaned to the status of an abused pet, who people irrationally abuse when they’re angry and lashing out.

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Handy woman – Home alone

• Strong, skilled, woman you look up to and want to find ways to please.
• You cant afford to pay for their hard labour, so you ask to pay her in sexual favours.

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Trucker – Hitch-hiker

• Brief physical encounter filled with lust for stranger and endearment.

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2. Exploring before becoming

2a. Imagining being the object of a femme persons adoration

Fantasies about what things the person you want to submit to might love and have good feelings toward; growing up one thinks of pretty dolls, and later you imagine a penis that serves them.

So by dehumanising yourself, your able to think of what it is about the femme person that makes it so they desire the object.

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Girly Doll

• Petty coated, made to look pretty, act out imaginary stories.

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Baby Doll

• Turned into the baby they always wanted.

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Perfect Penis

• Sex with a dildo, strap-on or cock sheath, so you can go at the pace she likes for as short or long as she wants. With the aftercare of them reminding you that they enjoy the feeling of both your pleasure rising together when stroking your real penis.

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2b. Wanting to be punished for being a man

On seeing other men being told off for sexist behaviours and shrugging it off to show their opposition to women, the shy boy who wants to mimic the good qualities of being a woman, but only ever sees the two separated genders talk when they are affirming their opposition to each other might turn this into a sexual fantasy of enjoying the idea of being irrationally punished for being a man, even though they can’t help it and have to struggle with these anxiety inducing gender norms.

For example the social norm that men are supposed to be the ones who make the first move in showing sexual interest. The resentment flares when women criticize men’s sexually aggressive behaviour, which the men see as a necessary role that has been delegated to them exclusively, along with the ego-risks involved: we have to do this, and you don’t. And therefore don’t understand.

So the sexual fantasy coming from irrationally being punished for completely acceptable advances in a bar for example, e.g. my eyes will see you, and there will be sensations and emotions, lust and eroticized longings, and this will be true even though I don’t want to be your colonizer and your oppressor, what I will also be feeling is my own defenceless sensitivity to those very feelings.

Or, the fantasy can come from a fear of being made to feel bad for not taking the initiative. For example the anxiety around being the object of attraction pre-puberty, I remember really not liking other kids slapping and pinching my butt or getting a girlfriend to say I’ve tried stuff and not liking any of it. So when I later did develop attractions, fear of it not being enjoyable would make it difficult to want to take the initiative, therefore the fantasy developed that it would be easier if more people were making uncomfortable advances like before, only now I would like it more, so a desire for pain and pleasure mixed together.

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Punished for sexually objectifying

• Teased with the idea of a public spanking or being collared so no one can be mistaken who you belong to.
• You pay a sex worker who rejects your ideas for the night, and has other ideas to teach you a lesson for your dirty fantasies.

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Punished for trying to pass as not a submissive

• Teased with the idea of public humiliation as punishment or just a caring lover opening up insecurities by being assertive in making him ask what he really wants.

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Punished for not being a good date

• Partner plays the wicked stepmother who rejected you as a suitable dominant for her daughter but instead teaches you to be submissive by giving you a really good fucking the way only someone with experience of time can and sends you back to your partner a new man (the scene can end here in loving aftercare or carry on as just the start of him serving her).
• Partner plays the stranger dismissing your advances, chastising you for trying to ask her out the wrong way, then takes the lead.

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3. Becoming – Submissive awakening

Being uncomfortable approaching women, the shy man might enjoy imagining what it would be like to experience romance and sex through the average woman’s eyes, being the one pursued and their partner taking the lead in suggesting what to do next. So, the shy man might enjoy lusting after a person who’s body has exciting differences to them, but want to experience their sexuality in similar ways, enjoy the coming together of similar desires in a relationship and tentatively learning to express their new found sexuality.

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Naked and on show

• Photographed in vulnerable positions
• Made to give a sexy striptease and grind on her leg/strap-on.
• Made to strip off and masturbate in front of fully clothed lover for their pleasure power trip.

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Physically topped

• Being fucked with a strap-on
• Made to enjoy sex from the receiving role, go through the motions of being coy and her demanding.
• Getting beaten play wrestling into submitting.

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Secretly cuckolded

• A taste of seeing the world through your lovers eyes, so you can gain satisfaction. Teased with the idea of your poly lover setting up a scene where she locks you up gagged and cuffed to the bed with all but one arm free, in the next room to the master bedroom and invites a person over to fuck her within hearing range of you, through humiliation your excitement rises at the same pace as hers, by imagining the acts being done to her you hope to live through her and you both cum at the same time. Through imagining the experience together and both of you in the submissive position you hope to share in all the pleasure the person you love is feeling better than the person in the instigating role.

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4. Exploring the fear of becoming going too far

4a. Loss of Self

By romanticising sex as a loss of control, you can extend that to loss of the ego through regression, and existing in sub-space trance where you remain in a pleasure state for a long period of time.

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Openly cuckolded

• Teased with the idea of being shown off to other lovers in a submissive state, in which you’d be freed from having to cling onto the social standing as an aggressive man, and flaunted as being unthreatening in front of her dates.
• One of many submissive, de-personalized, a number in a harem.

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Exposed

• Teased with the idea of going out with a collar on or threatened with getting a friend to turn up at the door whilst your scantily dressed or tied up.

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Turned into a baby through lust

• Encouraged into humiliating diapers by the prospect of getting to suckle on her breasts.

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Fantasy gone wrong

• You ask to try out a fantasy and your partners accepts on the condition that they get to fulfil a fantasy of theirs which takes the act further, so you have the desire to make them happy and push your own fantasy to a place which tantalizes you for going further than you expected.

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4b. Abuse Fantasies

Even though some of the examples above are intensely humiliating, with a partner that you love and trust, it is possible to discuss the reasons behind all these fantasies, and discover ways that you personally would be happy for them to enter into a consensual role play scene. And after experiencing it more than once, you may be comfortable enough to spontaneously work it into play acting you do to laugh with or tantalize each other regardless of whether it leads to sex.

Everything below however should require a very special kind of consent, as for me at least they all have an implicit humiliation that is impossible to distinguish from the fetish or the good aspects of getting over your fears and insecurities. So, should only be played out in the bedroom or other safe space where you are purposefully delving into the depths of your past (see Shadow Play). Where you are absolutely prepared and ready to cope with sub-drop.

Most of these are ideas not to be role-played physically, but some could be talked about to invoke the imagination, while having sensual comforting massage/sex where the man is being shown that their partner is the opposite of what they fear and that they can share their deepest vulnerabilities.

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Rape play

• Friends who used to respect each other a lot, become sex buddies and she uses and then dumps him because of her unreal expectations of him.
• Blackmailed into sex
• Being watched in a room through one way mirrors.
• Waking up tied to a dildo machine that rhythmically penetrates you from both ends and milks you at the same time.

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Lesbian Lover

• You’re not a real man, not a woman, the comfortable choice of a feminist who was focusing on dating women, tells you you’re the only man she could be attracted too.

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Cheating

• Sure you can fuck other people too, I’d like to see you try and get to have sex with someone else…
• ‘Hey you know that girl you have a date with, I think you should call and cancel unless you want me to show her these photos of me fucking you with your favourite dildo.’
• You want to be the misses Jones character who the married woman idealises but uses only for passionate sex.

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Forced Bi

• Uncomfortable with your sexuality and need someone to role play forcing you go through with sex with another gender.
• Tied down and blindfolded so that you can enjoy a sexy night of lovemaking with her using a strap-on. She switches places with a guy fucking you without you realising.

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Forced Fem

• This is a tricky one because I think you can be gender non-conforming and encouraged to play out a scene where an evil sexist puts you in the unfair role binary of traditional submissive woman. But to always get into the mind set that you’re becoming a woman simply because you want to play around with submissiveness is reifying the sexist binary.

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Small Penis Humiliation

• Lover plays the scorned woman you picked up at the bar for not warning her you have a small cock and wasting her time.

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Childhood bully

• Popular bully who messes with your self esteem.

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Big bad boss

Not my cup of tea, but:

• Masochist working out their guilt for having to manage employees to do demeaning work or fire them. So secretary/cleaner who forces you to switch roles.
• Rape play at being coerced into sex to keep your job.

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Police/Army officer, Prison guard or Rich Romantic

Out of all the rape and murder scenes these attract me the least and would have no desire to role-play it. But fantasies I’ve seen are:

• Bondage in prison, blackmailed with threat of having to stay in longer or people finding out you’re in prison.
• Royalty picks you up out the gutter and you live happily ever after.

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Race Play & Slavery

This is really only ever okay to role play if you’ve been the subject of racism and you want someone to help you unpick it. Again not my own, but one examples I’ve seen is:

• A timid exchange student made to feel unwelcome.

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